A little girl only 2 or 3 years old stands before the big blue glass ornament in the center of her yard. She can see the tears on her own face when she looks at the pretty ball. Her face is distorted in the spherical blue reflection. She automatically looks down and then sees the snapdragons and daisies, other flowers she has no idea what they are called. They are pretty, and it distracts her. She has come many times to sniff the pretty flowers. Some don't have any smell, but today she doesn't care, she is sobbing silently. Little girls don't understand things like puppy dogs that run under cars and then have to be "put down" in mercy. Little girls who feel all alone in the world don't run to their favorite adult for comfort and explanations that don't make sense at the time. The hugs speak more than words but she doesn't understand. This little girl would refuse any lap in the pain that confronted her knowing her daddy had killed her puppy, Moochie. If she spoke, her words would have been, "Leave me alone."
This little girl grew up but maintained this sentiment for her entire childhood. Alone even when she was at her own birthday party. She felt no one understood or cared. The pain was something to learn to live with. She decided she would grow up enough to take control and not be subject to these feelings. A sad goal, as she could not see that there was One in control all the time. A loving, living Saviour reaching out, watching her, crying with her, saving her tears to redeem each one.
She didn't see the Lord Jesus that day at the garden. He wanted to comfort her, but she would not. So the Lord spoke quietly that He would comfort her in the flowers that she loved and would touch and smell. And that He would always be near. She grew up with a love for growing things. She even loved hoeing the long rows of corn and weeding. Mowing the delicious green grass so that it looked like a luxurious carpet. There weren't any nice flower gardens to enjoy at her house, but she loved to visit any she got a chance to.
She met the Lord as a teenager and the Lord began to heal the wounds and redeem that fragile life even as she lived through ensuing difficulties and tragedies. She didn't think she was suffering, she grew in her trust for Jesus until one day in her 40's the Lord brought her back to that day, just to let her know He had ALWAYS been there for her. He even provided a wonderful sister in the Lord to take her in her arms and just hug her and hug her. Forty years of tears and refusing to be comforted melted away in this woman's embrace. What a gift the Lord has given people like her!
The little girl was me. She is an image that is so faint to me, it's as if it was someone else.
I love flowers! To this day when I see flowers, it always reminds me of God's unfailing love for us. He loves us where we are at, as we are able to receive Him and His love. I now realize that it was the Lord who was always in control, not my situation, not my emotions-certainly not me! My expectations that my parents, or a husband, or a pastor- someone should fix things- have all now fallen to the side. This realization allows me to be free to blossom and grow much like a beautiful flower.
A garden is my favorite place to pray because God feels so close. I pray that you will know God as your protector and friend as well as your Heavenly Father through all of life's challenges and joys. The closer we live to Him, the more comfort we are able to receive. My favorite picture of Father God is me cuddled up on His lap, as if I was His favorite little girl.
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